I am okay....is okay enough?

I find myself constantly analyzing my spiritual life to make sure I am in line with God. I never say to myself, "I am okay...I have arrived at my spiritual peak." There is always somewhere in my life where I can improve, grow, and mature...always some sin that can be nixed.

The moment we think we are okay, we have become fans of Christianity instead of true followers of Christ.

Here's a shocker! I recently got a tattoo. Yes, me who doesn't do pain....AT ALL! If you read my blog at all, you were warned. Although my tattoo is a disappointment and confusing to some in my life, the people who know me well and know me the best understand. I did not analyze or even think about the reaction of others before I got it. The purpose wasn't to get one to be getting one. My only thoughts and prayers were that I want to glorify God with my life and in doing that, I tattooed a reminder of that on my wrist. To me, it means I must die to myself daily and rid myself of the selfishness inside. Anyone who is a follower of Christ easily gets that. Fans, however, find it difficult to grasp.

I have a problem with selfishness so I am reminded that "it's not about me" but it is about glorifying God. Glorifying God in ALL things. So, why do I have to even be reminded of that? I know it isn't about me but knowing that truth and living it are two completely different things. It is very easy to say that life isn't about me but I find that my mouth sometimes overshoots my faith so I wanted to challenge myself to move forward in Christ and make a commitment to changing. I challenge you to do the same. Not by getting a tattoo but by making a commitment to die to self daily and glorify God in everything.

Not a Fan

I have long considered myself to be a thinker instead of a talker. Friends sometimes get frustrated with this characteristic as it makes for very difficult conversations when one person doesn't really talk at all. Maybe I am not so much a thinker but a reflector. I often take things I've heard or learned to heart and assume everything(sermons, studies, etc) that has been said was meant for me and my life (to change it).

In the past and much more recently, I have come to the realization though that it isn't about me. I find myself wanting to get those words tattooed on my wrist as a reminder (that is a heads up for those who might be freaked out by the idea of me getting tattoo...you HAVE been warned). Well, if it isn't about me or us, then who is it about?

This past year, my life has gone from being a materialistic, selfish individual to a person who cares nothing about "stuff" and who is striving to do more for others and "dying to self." Many things have steered me from that life of indulgence: Christ (number one), friends, and books such as "Not a Fan" and "Radical." Much of what I've learned is that I am a fan struggling to be a follower of Christ. If we are all honest, we would all admit that we are fans (fans are usually the first to try to claim the title of "follower"). My desire is to take up my cross and follow Him; to be fully committed no matter what anyone else thinks, says, or does. I don't want to just admire Jesus or have knowledge of Him; I want to be devoted to Him and to have an intimate relationship with Him so that when I meet Him he doesn't say, "I knew you not" but says, "well done, good and faithful servant."

Jason and I have recently traveled to Honduras. It is there that I feel purpose and useful. Useful in doing what I would call "nothing." Nothing in this sense means playing, talking, fellowshipping, and playing on the computer. How is that possible? Didn't God call me to DO SOMETHING more? My idea of nothing and His idea of nothing are very different. I used to think that I was suppose to use my gifts of teaching to teach my heart out to the best of my ability. I am but that is not all. It is now that I see God preparing me for something else. Although I am unsure of what that direction is, He has truly given me a desire to know what that is instead of just doing NOTHING but living my everyday life being comfortable and selfish.

Comfort is a very interesting thought. We as Christians are not called to be comfortable but we are called to take up our cross; to sacrifice. Taking up a cross that represents death and persecution and one that is despised means to die to self.  My current deep thinking has brought me to the conclusion that fandom is rampant. We strive to go to work each day so we can pay bills for big houses that we don't need, clothes we barely wear, and food we allow to spoil and get thrown out. It makes me sick to my stomach to reflect back on the person I once was...and sometimes still allow myself to be. An overindulgent, selfish sinner only concerned with my desires and my needs and being recognized for the "good" things I did do. No wonder God says He would "vomit" me out of His mouth. I would too.

So, at the end of the day, I still find myself repulsive and self-seeking but in recognizing that about myself, I see my Savior who says, "Follow me" and I follow. I pray for a changed perspective, a changed heart, and a sacrificial life that seeks only after Him and not the world.

Hope for Honduras

A few weeks ago, eleven members of my church, my husband and I included, went to Honduras for a mission trip. This is an experience that cannot be put into words. If you had asked me eight months ago if I was willing to go out of the country for a mission trip, I would have said, "Absolutely Not!" Upon reading several books (Radical and Not a Fan) I have come to realize that my life is not even about me. The whole purpose of the breath I breathe is to declare God's glory and share Him with others. If I'm not doing that then my life is useless. I didn't want to be useless so when the opportunity came up for us to go on a mission trip, we jumped at the chance. Talk about a changed perspective!

Two people who were consumed with materials and stuff and doing their own thing (moving to the mountains and building a log home) have now become open-minded, open-hearted followers of God. That is a very difficult thing to describe, especially to others who are not followers. You can always tell a follower from a  fan (read the book!!!). A fan questions why people are going on mission trips (esp during Christmas) but a follower is excited for you and wishes they could go with you. [There's one for the book Kyle Idleman].

So, in Honduras we did some painting and constructing on the buildings there at the mission and we got the opportunity to give out shoeboxes to some of the kids in the community. One team member, who is a dentist, filled and pulled teeth and his wife taught the people to make bows. We also put together the decorations for the pre-K graduation. The highlight for me was playing soccer with the kids in the yard and just hanging out with them. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't really communicate with them but I COULD kick a ball. Jason informed me later that my ball kicking skills needed work since I had bruises all over my foot. I probably should have been wearing tennis shoes too right?

All in all I've learned that there is no excuse for not serving the Lord. When He calls, GO! You won't regret it and He will always provide a way!

My Babylon

My husband and I are doing a bible study on Daniel with our closest friends. First, I can't think of anyone else I would rather study God's word with than my helpmate and my best friends. It is teaching me tons of new things about God, about His word, and about myself. Babylon is definitely evident in my life. Simple things such as going to Wal-Mart can turn into our own personal Babylon...from wanting this and abstaining from that.

I have recently learned that it is sometimes easier to just quit something that is of "Babylon" than to partake of it in moderation. I have been Coke-free (Coca-Cola, that is) since my birthday. I have certainly had some serious cravings for it...try eating Mexican or going to the movies without it. However, I say "no" just out of spite because I know I don't have the strength to just drink one every now and then.

I have found that my life, in general, is an overindulgence of not only Coke but anything and everything. I live in my own Babylon where I do as I please and get, get, get whatever I want. And I thought Coke was a problem! We are a society consumed with get what we want when we want it and how we want it. We are completely consumed with fast food, fast access, instant messaging...no wonder we fail to wait on God to answer prayers. How did I get this way?

Earlier today, I went to hang out for a about an hour at a place where there was a kid who had a birthday party the week before. Both children in this family had announced that they didn't want birthday presents but for their friends and family to give money toward a charity they were raising money for. It was a very noble thing and I was so very proud of them both. I had missed the party because I was out of town but had intentions on giving to the charity. When it was time for me to go, one of the kids said, "Where's my birthday present?" With a puzzled look on my face I said, "I thought we were giving money for your chartiy?" He said, "no, I want a present!" I immediately thought of Babylon and wondered how we get into a mentality that we are intitled to "presents". I've spent much of the afternoon pondering how I would raise my children to think differently and to actually be truly giving. I spent much time wondering if I am actually truly giving and who is it for?

I tend to be an analyzer. Jason too. Sometimes this is an awful trait to own but when it comes to reflection on self, it is good. I find myself analyzing my fruit often and asking God for help with the not yet ripe fruit and sometimes spoiled fruit in my life basket. Much of what I've learned about God is that He is concerned with the fruit we DON'T have than the fruit that we do. I certainly don't want to be lacking in the fruit department when I meet Him. There is always something MORE I can be and it is sometimes frustrating, especially surrounded by Babylonians. Pride is sometimes my problem and needing a pat on the back. With God's help, I'm getting better at it. It is only by His strength that some things are done without my name being put on it. I don't want my name on it...I want HIS name on it. So, my prayer now is to turn from my Babylonian nature and turn my focus toward the true Jeruselum.

Oh No!

I cannot believe it has been July since I have blogged. That is what happens when school starts back. Too much grading papers and lesson plans. I will get back to it soon!

Who is your Moses?

In studying Joshua 1 today, I came to realize that Joshua must have been the stuff to be the next leader behind Moses. Joshua was Moses' apprentice whom he trained to become a leader after his death. In reading about how Joshua began his new journey alone without his trainer, I began to think about who my Moses was. Who was training me and who do I look up to as my spiritual model? We all have people in the world whom we model ourselves even when we don't realize it.

Immediately when I read this scripture, my Moses came to mind. In recent months, my Christian walk has grown tremendously. I no longer look at things through the same lens mainly due to the example that a dear friend has set before me. While we have spent time together becoming closer as friends, she has probably never known that I have "watched" her life and learned from it a great deal. I have seen how she makes her quiet time an important part of her day, how she invites waitresses to share prayer requests before the blessing at the meal and how she discusses her sin aloud immediately when it is committed. I've come to realize that much of what is taught about Christ is not seen in a church building but in the everyday lives of Christians who are actually walking the walk.

So, now that you have possibly thought of your Moses, who is your Joshua? You know that if you have a Moses, then you must have a Joshua also. People are always watching you to see how you will react to things because they want to mimic after you. Do those who are watching you see God reflected in every area of your life? My prayer is that God will lead you to a trustworthy Moses and make you a good Joshua so that you can train to become the leader God already knows you are.

Sand Dollar Testimony (written 7/15/2011)

Praise God!!!

As I sit on the white sandy beach feeling the wind through my hair and the rays of sun on my skin when the clouds break from their dense communion, I ponder on the verse, “my soul is consumed with longing.”(Ps 119:20) I gaze out over the vast ocean and see an endless sky and long to be just that: “consumed with longing.”

       Thinking on my Christian walk, I question if I have actually ever “longed” for God much less been consumed with that longing. I push my feet deeper into the sand to feel the coolness on my feet as I watch the waves crash faithfully on the shore. It is settings such as these that make me yearn for more of Him. I ask myself, “How can anyone not believe in a God who created this?”

Looking up I see a wave runner go by in the distance and fondly remember the great adventures and blessings of yesterday.  I remember how God stayed the rains to unfold a beautifully fulfilled afternoon of ocean exploration. I have heard many ask, “How can a God of mercy and love condemn people to an eternity in Hell?” That question was clearly answered to me yesterday. Tammy, Teri, and I took wave runners out into the choppy seas and experienced things we had never experienced before. Tammy had never driven a wave runner, especially in the ocean. Some of the ride was spent airborne as we jumped high rolling waves one after the other. (Did I mention I was a passenger and holding on for dear life?) We followed our guide to an area frequented by dolphins. Amazing creatures! Teri jumped right in and swam with them. What a blessing!  Our last destination was off the shore of Shell Island where we swam in search of sand dollars. Talk about amazing! To be surrounded by the most wonderful people AND to get to experience God’s awesome fifth day creations was a phenomenal encounter.

       Can you really look at something such as a hermit crab or sand dollar and not see a creative God; A unique and truly amazing God? I examined the fine hair-like features on the sand dollar and the intricate pattern formed on its back. To consider that God took the time to mold this creature into its own distinctive existence confirms to me that I mean even more to Him. I am so much more important to Him that I am God-breathed and made in His image.

  I gaze out at the crashing waves and I notice a seagull staring out into the immense nothing too and wonder if it sees God in all that is before it. Would a seagull recognize God better than all these people who surround me, including myself? Oh how we miss so much!

       We sit and proclaim how beautiful the water is and how lovely the sand feels beneath our feet yet we forget the God who created each grain of sand and who controls each crash of the ocean’s waves. We are simply content to sit and sun and read without even a mere acknowledgment of the God whose presence so obviously surrounds us.

       So I don’t think the question, “How could a loving and merciful God condemn someone to an eternity in Hell” is correct. The question should be, “How could a God-breathed, intelligent and loved people not praise Him for the daily reminders of Him that surround them?”