"The World" Defined...

We are studying the book of James in Sunday School and the topic of discussion this morning was "Friends of the World vs. Friends of God." In our class, we try to dig deep and discuss the issues of the heart and today was no different. In pondering about the world vs. God subject, I asked the question, "What is the world?" It seems like an easy question to answer, even for me because we always say things like, "anything that is not of God" or "secular things that are not spiritual or Christian." But, a more important question I tried to answer for myself was, "What does the world look like in my life?" Do I look like the world? Tough stuff to answer if you are truly seeking to know who your true self in Christ is.

We often look at our lives and proclaim that we don't drink, do drugs, or gamble our money away but I know I often fail to look at my own life through the "what do I DO" lens rather than the "what I DON'T do" lens. For instance, in pondering these things, God immediately brought to my mind materialism, pride, and being judgmental. For the most part, these are things I wouldn't recognize in myself unless God brings them to my attention. Sometimes I think we focus so much on the outer things instead of focusing on our own hearts.

So, my epiphany this morning was to answer the question, "Do I look like the world?" It's one thing to say your aren't like the world but a completely other to be like it and NOT know it.  

God, You are Awesome, Mighty God and I do not deserve to breathe the breath to speak Your name. Thank you for the wisdom you give me and for growing me daily in my walk with You. There is nothing more precious. My prayer is that I am found faithful...that You give me the foresight to recognize "the world" in my life, confess it, and remove it forever. I want to glorify You!

Do you have mercy?

This past Thursday, I assigned a project to my Physics students where they are required to make an iMovie in order to explain a certain topic to their peers. So, as every students dreads, I assigned who would be in their groups.

Being that I am 4 months pregnant and it was the last class of the day, my temper was not nearly as long as I would have liked for it to have been. I tried to ignore the moaning and groaning about having to be split up from friends but enough was enough. I ended up saying in the tone inherited from my father, "Look! Your group members are NOT going to change so stop the whining about it and get over it! Let's all put on our big boy and big girl pants and do what we have to do!" I am not a force to be reckoned with so everybody straightened up and got into their groups...well, almost everybody. There is always one, right? One of my students, Julie (names have been changed) decided she was NOT going to work in her group and exclaimed that through the classroom. If you know me at all, you know I don't tolerate disrespect, ESPECIALLY after I have already corrected you once (yes, this is a trait from my father yet again...I learned it well after back talking and such most of my teenage years). So, I gave Julie a choice: she could close her mouth and work with her partners without punishment right now or she could get out of my classroom and see an administrator and explain why she is being uncooperative. She chose the latter and exited my classroom...only to return 5 minutes later stating that the administrator couldn't see her.

Julie finally informed me that there was a girl in her group, Abby, that she couldn't work with because they didn't get along. Abby wasn't even in school that day. I was livid! I said, "Are you telling me that you are making a big ordeal over someone who isn't even here today? You're kidding me! You need to get over there and work with your other partner and get started. We will discuss this later!" By the end of the class period, after fuming over the situation, I had decided that Julie was working with Abby no matter what. I wasn't going to tolerate disrespect and she needed to learn the lesson that sometimes we have to work with people we don't like. When the bell rang, Julie slipped out before I could inform her of my decision.

That night, I went to bed thinking, "Maybe that isn't the best way to handle that situation." The next morning, Friday, I sat down to do my quiet time and prayed that God would show me how handle it all. I asked for wisdom and for Him to show me what to do and what to say. I didn't even get finished with my prayer before He gave me the word "MERCY." I said, "Really, God? That was not at all what I was thinsking. I want to be stern and show her who's boss." Then He guided my eyes down to my wrist which read, "It's not about me." OKAY, I GET IT!!!

Seventh period came and it was slightly chaotic since I had students from other classes in there trying to finish quizzes and everyone getting the materials they needed for their projects. After settling everyone down, I asked Julie to come into the hall for a moment. Abby was present today, by the way. In the hall, I asked Julie what the issue was yesterday. She explained that she and Abby just don't get along. They have had issues for a while now and they just don't like one another. I told her that in my quiet time and prayer time that morning I prayed for her and for Abby and for resolve to the situation. I stopped for a moment and reminded her that I was a Christian and I asked if she was okay with me going on. She said she was a Christian too and that it was fine. So, I told her that God immediately gave me the word mercy in my prayer. I asked if she knew what mercy meant and she said she thought she did. I asked if she knew what grace is. She said, "Grace comes from God. God's Grace!"

What happened from then on was completely God! These were the words that came out, "God sometimes gives us things we don't deserve but sometimes He doesn't give us things that we DO deserve. For instance, you deserved to be written up for your outburst, disruption, and disrespect from yesterday but I'm not going to do that. That is mercy. I am also going to give you the choice to work with your partners or work alone on your project. You don't deserve to have the choice to get to work alone but I am giving it to you anyway. That is grace. What kind of Christian would I be if I don't actually show you who Christ is in my life? I want you to see that it is real but more importantly, if you are Christian, I want you to live it as well. That is what it means to be a Christian; you are a "little Christ." Now if God extends mercy and grace to you and I and I in turn extend it to you, what do you think you should do?" Julie said, "I should show it to someone else." I replied, "Don't you think it would be a really cool story and a really cool way to show that you are a Christian if you turned this awful situation into something awesome? What if you forget the years of dislike and arguing and you mended the fences with Abby? Would that not be a really cool God story?" She didn't say anything but nodded. Julie thought for a second and said, "I understand." I told her that I wanted her to take 5-10 minutes when she went back into the classroom to think about what she wanted to do: work with the group or work alone. I would not hold it against her, whatever her decision but she needed to come tell me what she decides.

She went back into the class and sat at the desk for a few minutes.  After about 5 minutes, she came up to me and said, "I am going to work with my group." I found it hard not to cry. She walked over to Abby and began talking to her and they decided that who was going to do what part in the project. They then started working. I later got the chance to talk with Abby and inform her that being in the group was Julie's choice and she looked very surprised. Before Julie left, I gave her a huge hug and told her I was VERY proud of her.

God is truly awesome and His ways and not our ways. I pray that He continues to mend the relationship between Julie and Abby and that Julie can live out what she believes. Thank you God for living in me. I don't deserve your mercy or your grace but I am SO thankful for it.

I am okay....is okay enough?

I find myself constantly analyzing my spiritual life to make sure I am in line with God. I never say to myself, "I am okay...I have arrived at my spiritual peak." There is always somewhere in my life where I can improve, grow, and mature...always some sin that can be nixed.

The moment we think we are okay, we have become fans of Christianity instead of true followers of Christ.

Here's a shocker! I recently got a tattoo. Yes, me who doesn't do pain....AT ALL! If you read my blog at all, you were warned. Although my tattoo is a disappointment and confusing to some in my life, the people who know me well and know me the best understand. I did not analyze or even think about the reaction of others before I got it. The purpose wasn't to get one to be getting one. My only thoughts and prayers were that I want to glorify God with my life and in doing that, I tattooed a reminder of that on my wrist. To me, it means I must die to myself daily and rid myself of the selfishness inside. Anyone who is a follower of Christ easily gets that. Fans, however, find it difficult to grasp.

I have a problem with selfishness so I am reminded that "it's not about me" but it is about glorifying God. Glorifying God in ALL things. So, why do I have to even be reminded of that? I know it isn't about me but knowing that truth and living it are two completely different things. It is very easy to say that life isn't about me but I find that my mouth sometimes overshoots my faith so I wanted to challenge myself to move forward in Christ and make a commitment to changing. I challenge you to do the same. Not by getting a tattoo but by making a commitment to die to self daily and glorify God in everything.

Not a Fan

I have long considered myself to be a thinker instead of a talker. Friends sometimes get frustrated with this characteristic as it makes for very difficult conversations when one person doesn't really talk at all. Maybe I am not so much a thinker but a reflector. I often take things I've heard or learned to heart and assume everything(sermons, studies, etc) that has been said was meant for me and my life (to change it).

In the past and much more recently, I have come to the realization though that it isn't about me. I find myself wanting to get those words tattooed on my wrist as a reminder (that is a heads up for those who might be freaked out by the idea of me getting tattoo...you HAVE been warned). Well, if it isn't about me or us, then who is it about?

This past year, my life has gone from being a materialistic, selfish individual to a person who cares nothing about "stuff" and who is striving to do more for others and "dying to self." Many things have steered me from that life of indulgence: Christ (number one), friends, and books such as "Not a Fan" and "Radical." Much of what I've learned is that I am a fan struggling to be a follower of Christ. If we are all honest, we would all admit that we are fans (fans are usually the first to try to claim the title of "follower"). My desire is to take up my cross and follow Him; to be fully committed no matter what anyone else thinks, says, or does. I don't want to just admire Jesus or have knowledge of Him; I want to be devoted to Him and to have an intimate relationship with Him so that when I meet Him he doesn't say, "I knew you not" but says, "well done, good and faithful servant."

Jason and I have recently traveled to Honduras. It is there that I feel purpose and useful. Useful in doing what I would call "nothing." Nothing in this sense means playing, talking, fellowshipping, and playing on the computer. How is that possible? Didn't God call me to DO SOMETHING more? My idea of nothing and His idea of nothing are very different. I used to think that I was suppose to use my gifts of teaching to teach my heart out to the best of my ability. I am but that is not all. It is now that I see God preparing me for something else. Although I am unsure of what that direction is, He has truly given me a desire to know what that is instead of just doing NOTHING but living my everyday life being comfortable and selfish.

Comfort is a very interesting thought. We as Christians are not called to be comfortable but we are called to take up our cross; to sacrifice. Taking up a cross that represents death and persecution and one that is despised means to die to self.  My current deep thinking has brought me to the conclusion that fandom is rampant. We strive to go to work each day so we can pay bills for big houses that we don't need, clothes we barely wear, and food we allow to spoil and get thrown out. It makes me sick to my stomach to reflect back on the person I once was...and sometimes still allow myself to be. An overindulgent, selfish sinner only concerned with my desires and my needs and being recognized for the "good" things I did do. No wonder God says He would "vomit" me out of His mouth. I would too.

So, at the end of the day, I still find myself repulsive and self-seeking but in recognizing that about myself, I see my Savior who says, "Follow me" and I follow. I pray for a changed perspective, a changed heart, and a sacrificial life that seeks only after Him and not the world.

Hope for Honduras

A few weeks ago, eleven members of my church, my husband and I included, went to Honduras for a mission trip. This is an experience that cannot be put into words. If you had asked me eight months ago if I was willing to go out of the country for a mission trip, I would have said, "Absolutely Not!" Upon reading several books (Radical and Not a Fan) I have come to realize that my life is not even about me. The whole purpose of the breath I breathe is to declare God's glory and share Him with others. If I'm not doing that then my life is useless. I didn't want to be useless so when the opportunity came up for us to go on a mission trip, we jumped at the chance. Talk about a changed perspective!

Two people who were consumed with materials and stuff and doing their own thing (moving to the mountains and building a log home) have now become open-minded, open-hearted followers of God. That is a very difficult thing to describe, especially to others who are not followers. You can always tell a follower from a  fan (read the book!!!). A fan questions why people are going on mission trips (esp during Christmas) but a follower is excited for you and wishes they could go with you. [There's one for the book Kyle Idleman].

So, in Honduras we did some painting and constructing on the buildings there at the mission and we got the opportunity to give out shoeboxes to some of the kids in the community. One team member, who is a dentist, filled and pulled teeth and his wife taught the people to make bows. We also put together the decorations for the pre-K graduation. The highlight for me was playing soccer with the kids in the yard and just hanging out with them. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't really communicate with them but I COULD kick a ball. Jason informed me later that my ball kicking skills needed work since I had bruises all over my foot. I probably should have been wearing tennis shoes too right?

All in all I've learned that there is no excuse for not serving the Lord. When He calls, GO! You won't regret it and He will always provide a way!

My Babylon

My husband and I are doing a bible study on Daniel with our closest friends. First, I can't think of anyone else I would rather study God's word with than my helpmate and my best friends. It is teaching me tons of new things about God, about His word, and about myself. Babylon is definitely evident in my life. Simple things such as going to Wal-Mart can turn into our own personal Babylon...from wanting this and abstaining from that.

I have recently learned that it is sometimes easier to just quit something that is of "Babylon" than to partake of it in moderation. I have been Coke-free (Coca-Cola, that is) since my birthday. I have certainly had some serious cravings for it...try eating Mexican or going to the movies without it. However, I say "no" just out of spite because I know I don't have the strength to just drink one every now and then.

I have found that my life, in general, is an overindulgence of not only Coke but anything and everything. I live in my own Babylon where I do as I please and get, get, get whatever I want. And I thought Coke was a problem! We are a society consumed with get what we want when we want it and how we want it. We are completely consumed with fast food, fast access, instant messaging...no wonder we fail to wait on God to answer prayers. How did I get this way?

Earlier today, I went to hang out for a about an hour at a place where there was a kid who had a birthday party the week before. Both children in this family had announced that they didn't want birthday presents but for their friends and family to give money toward a charity they were raising money for. It was a very noble thing and I was so very proud of them both. I had missed the party because I was out of town but had intentions on giving to the charity. When it was time for me to go, one of the kids said, "Where's my birthday present?" With a puzzled look on my face I said, "I thought we were giving money for your chartiy?" He said, "no, I want a present!" I immediately thought of Babylon and wondered how we get into a mentality that we are intitled to "presents". I've spent much of the afternoon pondering how I would raise my children to think differently and to actually be truly giving. I spent much time wondering if I am actually truly giving and who is it for?

I tend to be an analyzer. Jason too. Sometimes this is an awful trait to own but when it comes to reflection on self, it is good. I find myself analyzing my fruit often and asking God for help with the not yet ripe fruit and sometimes spoiled fruit in my life basket. Much of what I've learned about God is that He is concerned with the fruit we DON'T have than the fruit that we do. I certainly don't want to be lacking in the fruit department when I meet Him. There is always something MORE I can be and it is sometimes frustrating, especially surrounded by Babylonians. Pride is sometimes my problem and needing a pat on the back. With God's help, I'm getting better at it. It is only by His strength that some things are done without my name being put on it. I don't want my name on it...I want HIS name on it. So, my prayer now is to turn from my Babylonian nature and turn my focus toward the true Jeruselum.

Oh No!

I cannot believe it has been July since I have blogged. That is what happens when school starts back. Too much grading papers and lesson plans. I will get back to it soon!