Just when I thought...

...all was right with the world, BOOM something happens.

As I sat in my women's discipleship group last night, I pondered the problems of the world and discussed with my accountability partner the sin in our lives that keeps us from really knowing God and glorifying Him. We talked on and on yet our conversation always came back to the one thing: Our purpose in living is to glorify God. When I left her, I felt a sense of accomplishment and growth however in the big scheme of things was I really DIGGING as deeply as I could have been? That question hit me square in the face this morning.

I awoke this morning to tragic news and in trying to process it all I did not ask God "Why?" or try to reason the purpose behind such a loss. My reaction was, "Okay God, I hear you!" I fully believe that God speaks through every situation and in the end, everything that happens is to give Him glory. But as I sat there this morning pondering the meaning of it all, I thought, "What if that had been me?" I truly believe God gives us divine perspective to be able to analyze situations and allows them so that we change something about ourselves to reflect Him more.

The past two years of my life have been growing years (spiritually...not that it is separate at all). They have been glorious years of intentionally seeking God's face and what He wants for my life. In that seeking, I have learned that nothing I do should be about me and that in knowing that, my life should reflect it. I should not be stuck on those two years of seeking and then stop. I should move forward and continue after Him.

We walk out the door each day feeling assured that all is right with the world and we continue on this comfortable track of selfishness. In reality, we have no control over any of it. God controls it all and it can be taken away in an instant.

I questioned myself this morning. It is the same question that Francis Chan posed to our Sunday School class this past week. "What difference does your presence make?" Just as important, what difference would your absence make? I pondered those questions this morning as I learned of the loss of someone precious. Through my tears, I cry out to God asking for comfort for family and friends but also pleading for Him to give me wisdom and an intense, continuous longing for Him. My salvation should not be the end of my relationship with God...it is the beginning. We certainly should not strive for just "good enough" or just to check a box and say "Salvation, check. I've got that done now I have insurance." Being a Christian is a LIFE not a compartment of your life. God should bleed over into everything that is about you and me and there should be no question of who we belong to.

My challenge to you today and to do a gut check. If something were to happen to you today, would the pearly gates open wide and you do cartwheels on the way in because you have lived a life pleasing to God and not pleasing to self or would He stand at the gate and say, "I knew you not" because you have no relationship with Him and are ashamed to even speak about Him in certain circles? There is nothing more important than seeking Him and spending precious time reflecting Him than seeking anything else. What would your life look like if you sought after Him as much or more than you seek after worldly things? Are you ready? Would there be a huge hole in people's lives if something happened to you because you live a life full and only for Him?

If you claim to be saved and to know God, the question to ask is: Does He know you? Is He what you worship most?
Matthew 7:21-27
Matthew 3:7-10

Don't You Know That I'm A Christian!?!

I think a more appropriate question is: How do you know that I'm a Christian? OR What is it that is in my life that shows that I follow Christ? The answers to THESE questions can be pretty tough to swallow, especially for those who view themselves in a different light than the way others see them.

I have learned in recent years to examine myself by looking at the areas where I need God to help me grow instead of the areas at which I have already grown rapidly. Sometimes we tend to look at the "good" things about ourselves and forget about the "bad." I think that is understandable of anyone, even non-Christians...it is human nature, sin nature. However, if we are truly honest with ourselves and really want to follow Christ, we would do the hard thing and strive to remove those "bad" things daily (die to self: Luke 9:23). We really shouldn't have to convince people that we are Christians....our lives should prove that. Why else are we here except to glorify God with our lives?

God is doing amazing things in my life and the life of our family. I absolutely cannot wait to see what He will teach me next. I challenge you to ask Him to help you remove the wood, hay, and stubble from your life so that His light can be reflected through you. It may be a struggle and you may have to be "refined by fire" in order to get you there, but continue to look to Him and He will bring you through more faithful, with more wisdom, and a better reflection of Him and who He wants you to be. (1 Cor 3:12-13)

So, answer this: What is something in your life that is causing someone else to think that you aren't a Christian?

Who Are You?

Being that I am about 27 weeks pregnant now, I've been thinking a lot about how I want to raise my baby girl. It is a much different scenario trying to live your own life and work out the kinks of your Christianity but add someone else for whom you are responsible for pointing in the right direction and you have a challenge.

Lately, I've been trying to answer the question: Do I live as if God exists? That question got me thinking about how I am perceived and what my "model" looks like. You know the question that people sometimes ask: If you died this week, what would people say at your funeral? Those are the type of thoughts that have run through my head lately. I mainly think these things because I want my daily life to reflect the things that I learn in church and the things God is teaching me. However, the person I perceive myself to be on the inside isn't necessarily the person others perceive me to be outwardly. The "outward" part is where our faith is proven and where people believe what we believe.

So, in thinking about raising a little one in such a corrupt world I thought about what I want her to see in me: I (and her daddy) want my baby girl to see me as a spiritual leader; someone who points her to Christ daily and who lives out the commandments of God. I want to be the person for whom she knows is surrendered to Christ and the one whom she sees Jesus reflection. Most especially I want to be the one from whom she learns about Jesus (not the church's responsibility).

So, my challenge to you today is to answer the question: Who do I want my children to say I am? Once you've figured out the answer to that question, then live it out. Be THAT person!

I want to be WEIRD!!!

You certainly don't hear people say that they want to be weird these days. Most just want to fit in, not get noticed as different, or move through life without being pointed out as strange or weird.

My husband and I have made it our goal recently to be try to be weird. Now I'm not talking about the weird that you initially would think. From our perspective, normal doesn't seem to be cutting it. If you look around at people, many are just trying to get through life without getting hurt or scarred or even noticed. As a Christian, I think we should be trying to go through life not doing what everybody else is doing. We SHOULD be different; we SHOULD stand out.

Recently, we have been doing a study in Sunday School on the Holy Spirit. Francis Chan said, "[The Holy Spirit] has not really made much of a difference in our lives, to the degree that if we woke up tomorrow and discovered that it is not true the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, most likely our lives wouldn't look much different." I am tired of living in a way that looks exactly like people who don't have the Holy Spirit of God living in them.

When people outside the church see no difference in our lives, they begin to question our integrity, our sanity, or even worse, our God. Can you blame them at all?

George, a man we know, is a professing Christian and has been after his son, Junior, about going to church. Every chance George gets to punch in a word or two about Junior visiting church with him, Junior turns him down. I've witnessed this on several occasions.

Junior is a hardworking young man who strives daily to do his best but he does what the usual non-believer does: curses, tells dirty jokes, talks about people. He believes that because he is a good person and works hard, he will go to Heaven. George is a fairly new Christian but has never been discipled on what it means to live a life as a Christian. George also curses, tells dirty jokes, and talks about people. So, when George asks Junior to go to church with him, Junior always makes up an excuse but in reality all he thinks is, "Why should I go to church with you. You look just like me? All that church has done for you is give you rules and not changed your life in any way. All Christianity has done for you is made you go to church."

Many non-believers don't care to have anything to do with Christianity because of hypocrites who claim to be Christians yet live the same way everyone else does.

So, my challenge is to be geniune and the life God has called me to live in Christ. Be different....INTENTIONALLY DIFFERENT! Be weird because in the end, I don't want God to say, "Way to go! You made it through life looking like everyone else when I called you to look like Me."

Misplaced Passions

So, I've been learning a lot lately about time and using it wisely. The question to myself is: AM I using it wisely? And am I serving God more than serving myself?

I've heard many people say, "I just don't have time to do everything that I need to get done in a day." So, if you had just one more hour everyday, would you then do what NEEDED to be done or would you really just continue on the path you are on and fill that hour with one more fleeting thing. I often feel as if I am filling my day with mundane activities that, in the big scheme of things, don't really matter anyway. I am so focused on going here and doing this until at the end of the day it has been filled full of this and that and none of it furthered the kingdom of God.

It is amazing the things that we MAKE time for! We get up at 6:30 a.m. in the morning EVERYDAY to get ready and be at work by 8:00a.m. yet we can't get to Sunday School at all. Some will even wake up to be at the gym by 5:30a.m. three days a week but we can't get motivated enough to attend church by 10:30 or 11:00a.m one day a week. We fill our days with ample T.V. watching and computer playing yet we don't pick up our Bible to read the HOLY WORD OF GOD for more than 15 minutes or at all!!! (As if a mindless few hours of entertainment can compare!)

The issue that lies here is not with unbelievers either. I am referring to believers who have misplaced passions. We are passionate about football in the fall, about a particular movie coming out in the summer, or about getting fit and healthy but when do we get passionate about serving, worshiping, or learning about God? When do we stop making lame excuses for our actions and realize that we are making a huge choice? What we are basically choosing to say is that our time is too important to spend doing something for God's kingdom but instead it is better spent by furthering our own kingdom. OUCH! Reality bites!

What do you choose? Do you choose to continue doing what you've always done because that seems to be working out great so far (sense the sarcasm?) Or do you ask God to give you a passion for Him, a desire to read His Word and give more time to Him daily? Those who seek Him with all their hearts will surely find Him. It doesn't seem like a hard decision to make yet it is a hard one to commit to....if you are for real! God never said that when you became a Christian you would be able to do what you wanted...He said to glorify Him and die to yourself daily. I'm pretty sure living for myself isn't included in that!

So I challenge you to give up something that doesn't mean anything and replace it with something that glorifies God. It won't be easy but it will be well worth the sacrifice.

You can't be a blurry reflection

It is interesting to me that my last post was about "the world." I say it is interesting because our Youth summer camp this week has been about imitating God and defining "the world." As I studied to try to instill biblical principles into the hearts of middle school girls, I reflected on what it really means to imitate.

Imitate: to follow as an example; to model. It is sad really how we flipantly go about our Christian walk. We try our best to not stand out or to fit in as to not bring attention to ourselves. We learn early in life that it is a goal to look like everyone else, to act like everyone else, and to follow everyone else. Now that isn't exactly completely true. Parents teach their children to be their own person and make sound decisions but what do our lives really model? We don't see much of what we believe in our daily walk.

 We talk a lot about how we should act and that we shouldn't conform to the world but many don't really even know what the world looks like because we haven't taken the time to analyze it. For instance, we have become so desensitized to "the world" that we no longer cringe when it is around. If we are constantly around someone who has a foul mouth, we may not ever say those words ourselves but eventually we become numb to them and don't mind hearing them.

I wanted to watch a movie today at home while I was resting so I picked one out of the many in our collection. My choice was not made because I really wanted to watch it but it was made because it was one I had not seen in a while. I wanted a chick flick of course since I was viewing it alone so I picked up "Love Happens" with Jennifer Aniston. It is rated PG13 for some language and off color humor. I am never one to remember certain "bad" things about a movie so I started watching it. It didn't take five minutes into the movie before the Lord's name was taken in vain. At that point, the rubber met the road. Do I ignore it, desensitize myself, and continue watching proclaiming that I am not affected by it because it wasn't influencing me? OR Do I glorify God by turning it off and watching something else? Making that decision today didn't affect anyone else around me. It didn't affect my husband who was not here. It didn't affect my friends or other family members because they would never even be able to tell that I watched such a movie. So what did it matter? These are the very words that "the world" says to us...that Satan says to us.

It DOES matter and if I have to justify why it is "okay" then it obviously isn't glorifying God. We as Christians must always be on guard for ways that Satan will attack. How is me watching a movie that takes the Lord's name in vain any different from actually doing it myself? Neither glorify His name so what is the point? The point of being created was for His glory...that should be our goal in everything we do.

The world says that popularity is what we should strive for because it is there where we are accepted. Jesus never said He wanted us to be accepted by the world. God says to not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed. How are you at transforming?

So, my goal is to not be desensitized to the world but recognize how it is affecting my life in my music (are the lyrics glorifying?), movies (are there things I shouldn't be seeing/hearing), and in the websites I visit (are the friends that I keep up with on Facebook pointing me to Christ?). I have to remember that I am a model and a reflection of Almighty God. If I proclaim to be a Christian then I should reflect Christ not something else. How am I any different if I am blending in with the world?

In case you were wondering, I shut the movie off immediately and removed it from our collection. It will not only NOT be viewed by us again but it will no longer be in our house. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. ~Joshua 24:15

"The World" Defined...

We are studying the book of James in Sunday School and the topic of discussion this morning was "Friends of the World vs. Friends of God." In our class, we try to dig deep and discuss the issues of the heart and today was no different. In pondering about the world vs. God subject, I asked the question, "What is the world?" It seems like an easy question to answer, even for me because we always say things like, "anything that is not of God" or "secular things that are not spiritual or Christian." But, a more important question I tried to answer for myself was, "What does the world look like in my life?" Do I look like the world? Tough stuff to answer if you are truly seeking to know who your true self in Christ is.

We often look at our lives and proclaim that we don't drink, do drugs, or gamble our money away but I know I often fail to look at my own life through the "what do I DO" lens rather than the "what I DON'T do" lens. For instance, in pondering these things, God immediately brought to my mind materialism, pride, and being judgmental. For the most part, these are things I wouldn't recognize in myself unless God brings them to my attention. Sometimes I think we focus so much on the outer things instead of focusing on our own hearts.

So, my epiphany this morning was to answer the question, "Do I look like the world?" It's one thing to say your aren't like the world but a completely other to be like it and NOT know it.  

God, You are Awesome, Mighty God and I do not deserve to breathe the breath to speak Your name. Thank you for the wisdom you give me and for growing me daily in my walk with You. There is nothing more precious. My prayer is that I am found faithful...that You give me the foresight to recognize "the world" in my life, confess it, and remove it forever. I want to glorify You!

Do you have mercy?

This past Thursday, I assigned a project to my Physics students where they are required to make an iMovie in order to explain a certain topic to their peers. So, as every students dreads, I assigned who would be in their groups.

Being that I am 4 months pregnant and it was the last class of the day, my temper was not nearly as long as I would have liked for it to have been. I tried to ignore the moaning and groaning about having to be split up from friends but enough was enough. I ended up saying in the tone inherited from my father, "Look! Your group members are NOT going to change so stop the whining about it and get over it! Let's all put on our big boy and big girl pants and do what we have to do!" I am not a force to be reckoned with so everybody straightened up and got into their groups...well, almost everybody. There is always one, right? One of my students, Julie (names have been changed) decided she was NOT going to work in her group and exclaimed that through the classroom. If you know me at all, you know I don't tolerate disrespect, ESPECIALLY after I have already corrected you once (yes, this is a trait from my father yet again...I learned it well after back talking and such most of my teenage years). So, I gave Julie a choice: she could close her mouth and work with her partners without punishment right now or she could get out of my classroom and see an administrator and explain why she is being uncooperative. She chose the latter and exited my classroom...only to return 5 minutes later stating that the administrator couldn't see her.

Julie finally informed me that there was a girl in her group, Abby, that she couldn't work with because they didn't get along. Abby wasn't even in school that day. I was livid! I said, "Are you telling me that you are making a big ordeal over someone who isn't even here today? You're kidding me! You need to get over there and work with your other partner and get started. We will discuss this later!" By the end of the class period, after fuming over the situation, I had decided that Julie was working with Abby no matter what. I wasn't going to tolerate disrespect and she needed to learn the lesson that sometimes we have to work with people we don't like. When the bell rang, Julie slipped out before I could inform her of my decision.

That night, I went to bed thinking, "Maybe that isn't the best way to handle that situation." The next morning, Friday, I sat down to do my quiet time and prayed that God would show me how handle it all. I asked for wisdom and for Him to show me what to do and what to say. I didn't even get finished with my prayer before He gave me the word "MERCY." I said, "Really, God? That was not at all what I was thinsking. I want to be stern and show her who's boss." Then He guided my eyes down to my wrist which read, "It's not about me." OKAY, I GET IT!!!

Seventh period came and it was slightly chaotic since I had students from other classes in there trying to finish quizzes and everyone getting the materials they needed for their projects. After settling everyone down, I asked Julie to come into the hall for a moment. Abby was present today, by the way. In the hall, I asked Julie what the issue was yesterday. She explained that she and Abby just don't get along. They have had issues for a while now and they just don't like one another. I told her that in my quiet time and prayer time that morning I prayed for her and for Abby and for resolve to the situation. I stopped for a moment and reminded her that I was a Christian and I asked if she was okay with me going on. She said she was a Christian too and that it was fine. So, I told her that God immediately gave me the word mercy in my prayer. I asked if she knew what mercy meant and she said she thought she did. I asked if she knew what grace is. She said, "Grace comes from God. God's Grace!"

What happened from then on was completely God! These were the words that came out, "God sometimes gives us things we don't deserve but sometimes He doesn't give us things that we DO deserve. For instance, you deserved to be written up for your outburst, disruption, and disrespect from yesterday but I'm not going to do that. That is mercy. I am also going to give you the choice to work with your partners or work alone on your project. You don't deserve to have the choice to get to work alone but I am giving it to you anyway. That is grace. What kind of Christian would I be if I don't actually show you who Christ is in my life? I want you to see that it is real but more importantly, if you are Christian, I want you to live it as well. That is what it means to be a Christian; you are a "little Christ." Now if God extends mercy and grace to you and I and I in turn extend it to you, what do you think you should do?" Julie said, "I should show it to someone else." I replied, "Don't you think it would be a really cool story and a really cool way to show that you are a Christian if you turned this awful situation into something awesome? What if you forget the years of dislike and arguing and you mended the fences with Abby? Would that not be a really cool God story?" She didn't say anything but nodded. Julie thought for a second and said, "I understand." I told her that I wanted her to take 5-10 minutes when she went back into the classroom to think about what she wanted to do: work with the group or work alone. I would not hold it against her, whatever her decision but she needed to come tell me what she decides.

She went back into the class and sat at the desk for a few minutes.  After about 5 minutes, she came up to me and said, "I am going to work with my group." I found it hard not to cry. She walked over to Abby and began talking to her and they decided that who was going to do what part in the project. They then started working. I later got the chance to talk with Abby and inform her that being in the group was Julie's choice and she looked very surprised. Before Julie left, I gave her a huge hug and told her I was VERY proud of her.

God is truly awesome and His ways and not our ways. I pray that He continues to mend the relationship between Julie and Abby and that Julie can live out what she believes. Thank you God for living in me. I don't deserve your mercy or your grace but I am SO thankful for it.

I am okay....is okay enough?

I find myself constantly analyzing my spiritual life to make sure I am in line with God. I never say to myself, "I am okay...I have arrived at my spiritual peak." There is always somewhere in my life where I can improve, grow, and mature...always some sin that can be nixed.

The moment we think we are okay, we have become fans of Christianity instead of true followers of Christ.

Here's a shocker! I recently got a tattoo. Yes, me who doesn't do pain....AT ALL! If you read my blog at all, you were warned. Although my tattoo is a disappointment and confusing to some in my life, the people who know me well and know me the best understand. I did not analyze or even think about the reaction of others before I got it. The purpose wasn't to get one to be getting one. My only thoughts and prayers were that I want to glorify God with my life and in doing that, I tattooed a reminder of that on my wrist. To me, it means I must die to myself daily and rid myself of the selfishness inside. Anyone who is a follower of Christ easily gets that. Fans, however, find it difficult to grasp.

I have a problem with selfishness so I am reminded that "it's not about me" but it is about glorifying God. Glorifying God in ALL things. So, why do I have to even be reminded of that? I know it isn't about me but knowing that truth and living it are two completely different things. It is very easy to say that life isn't about me but I find that my mouth sometimes overshoots my faith so I wanted to challenge myself to move forward in Christ and make a commitment to changing. I challenge you to do the same. Not by getting a tattoo but by making a commitment to die to self daily and glorify God in everything.

Not a Fan

I have long considered myself to be a thinker instead of a talker. Friends sometimes get frustrated with this characteristic as it makes for very difficult conversations when one person doesn't really talk at all. Maybe I am not so much a thinker but a reflector. I often take things I've heard or learned to heart and assume everything(sermons, studies, etc) that has been said was meant for me and my life (to change it).

In the past and much more recently, I have come to the realization though that it isn't about me. I find myself wanting to get those words tattooed on my wrist as a reminder (that is a heads up for those who might be freaked out by the idea of me getting tattoo...you HAVE been warned). Well, if it isn't about me or us, then who is it about?

This past year, my life has gone from being a materialistic, selfish individual to a person who cares nothing about "stuff" and who is striving to do more for others and "dying to self." Many things have steered me from that life of indulgence: Christ (number one), friends, and books such as "Not a Fan" and "Radical." Much of what I've learned is that I am a fan struggling to be a follower of Christ. If we are all honest, we would all admit that we are fans (fans are usually the first to try to claim the title of "follower"). My desire is to take up my cross and follow Him; to be fully committed no matter what anyone else thinks, says, or does. I don't want to just admire Jesus or have knowledge of Him; I want to be devoted to Him and to have an intimate relationship with Him so that when I meet Him he doesn't say, "I knew you not" but says, "well done, good and faithful servant."

Jason and I have recently traveled to Honduras. It is there that I feel purpose and useful. Useful in doing what I would call "nothing." Nothing in this sense means playing, talking, fellowshipping, and playing on the computer. How is that possible? Didn't God call me to DO SOMETHING more? My idea of nothing and His idea of nothing are very different. I used to think that I was suppose to use my gifts of teaching to teach my heart out to the best of my ability. I am but that is not all. It is now that I see God preparing me for something else. Although I am unsure of what that direction is, He has truly given me a desire to know what that is instead of just doing NOTHING but living my everyday life being comfortable and selfish.

Comfort is a very interesting thought. We as Christians are not called to be comfortable but we are called to take up our cross; to sacrifice. Taking up a cross that represents death and persecution and one that is despised means to die to self.  My current deep thinking has brought me to the conclusion that fandom is rampant. We strive to go to work each day so we can pay bills for big houses that we don't need, clothes we barely wear, and food we allow to spoil and get thrown out. It makes me sick to my stomach to reflect back on the person I once was...and sometimes still allow myself to be. An overindulgent, selfish sinner only concerned with my desires and my needs and being recognized for the "good" things I did do. No wonder God says He would "vomit" me out of His mouth. I would too.

So, at the end of the day, I still find myself repulsive and self-seeking but in recognizing that about myself, I see my Savior who says, "Follow me" and I follow. I pray for a changed perspective, a changed heart, and a sacrificial life that seeks only after Him and not the world.